Understanding the Why Behind the Cry
When children scream, cry, or slam doors, many parents are quick to label it as “misbehaviour” or “drama.” Phrases like:
- “She’s too sensitive.”
- “He just wants attention.”
- “Ignore it, and it’ll stop.”
…are commonly heard. But modern child psychology and neuroscience reveal a deeper truth: emotional outbursts are often signs of underlying childhood disorders, sensory overwhelm, or an immature nervous system trying to cope with big feelings.
As a parent, how you respond can either support your child’s development — or unknowingly harm it.
What’s Really Happening During a Meltdown?
Emotional reactions in young children often come from the amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for strong feelings like fear, anger, and sadness. Since their prefrontal cortex (the thinking brain) is still developing, they struggle to regulate these emotions on their own.
That’s why you may see:
- Screaming and crying
- Throwing objects
- Running away or hiding
- Refusing to speak
These are not signs of bad behavior, but of emotional overload.
Why Ignoring Emotional Outbursts Can Be Harmful
Conventional advice like “ignore it and they’ll stop” may backfire. Neuroscience shows that ignoring a child in distress can:
- Prolong the stress response (fight-flight-freeze)
- Reinforce emotional suppression
- Lead to anxiety, low self-worth, or even aggression later
In our behaviour counselling sessions at Urjasvini Child Development Centre, we often work with children who seem “calm” on the outside — but carry internal emotional distress because their feelings were never validated or understood.
What Children Truly Need During an Outburst
The brain learns through relationships. Instead of punishment or silence, children benefit most from co-regulation—the process where a calm adult helps soothe a distressed child.
Steps for Emotionally Attuned Parenting:
- Stay Present – Sit nearby, say “I’m here.”
- Validate Feelings – “It’s okay to feel upset. I understand.”
- Regulate Together – Stay calm; your nervous system will help regulate theirs.
- Talk Later – Once calm, help them name the feeling and find safe ways to express it.
This approach, grounded in emotional neuroscience, is part of what we teach through counselor- and therapist-led sessions for parents and children alike.
Long-Term Benefits of Co-Regulation
Research from Sunderland & Panksepp shows that when children’s big emotions are supported with empathy:
- They develop stronger emotional regulation skills
- Their prefrontal cortex matures better, supporting decision-making and impulse control
- They become more resilient, confident, and emotionally intelligent
In fact, addressing emotional outbursts early is a key part of supporting children with childhood disorders like ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, sensory processing issues, and anxiety.
Real-Life Example
Rhea, age 5, had daily crying episodes before school. Her parents believed she was “just being difficult.” But after a few behaviour counselling sessions, they learned to validate her feelings:
“It’s hard to leave home, isn’t it? I’m with you.”
Within weeks, Rhea’s meltdowns reduced — not with threats or punishment, but with emotional connection and understanding.
Tools for Parents from a Counselor Therapist’s Perspective:
- Use phrases like: “You’re safe. I’m here with you.”
- Avoid harsh reactions; calm yourself first.
- Help your child name emotions: “You’re sad because…”
- Use stories, drawings, or play to explore emotions later.
- Celebrate recovery: “You calmed yourself. That’s amazing!”
Remember:
Outbursts are not a sign of weakness. They are calls for connection.
By choosing empathy over punishment, you’re not spoiling your child — you’re building a brain that knows how to feel, think, and grow.
Need Help Understanding Your Child’s Behaviour?
If your child struggles with frequent meltdowns, intense emotions, or signs of childhood disorders, don’t ignore the signs. Our expert team offers:
- One-on-one behaviour counselling
- Parent support sessions
- Assessment and therapy by experienced counselor therapists
Contact Us:
Urjasvini Child Development Center – Indore
📞 7999215093 | 9893371516
📧 thechildpsychologistvini@gmail.com