By Dr. Vini Jhariya | Child & Clinical Psychologist | Founder, Urjasvini Child Development Center
“Good job!” — It’s a phrase we all say without thinking. While it comes from a place of love and encouragement, repeated use of this generic praise can create a reliance on external approval in children. Over time, this can impact their internal motivation and self-worth.
Instead, using specific, reflective feedback helps your child grow emotionally and builds long-term confidence, an essential skill for navigating life and managing challenges such as childhood disorders.
Pro Tip: The following phrases empower your child to reflect, express themselves, and build confidence from within.
1. “It looks like you enjoyed that! What was the best part?”
This question shifts focus from outcomes to experiences. It helps children appreciate the journey, not just the praise, fostering joy, curiosity, and self-reflection.
2. “You’re putting in effort — I can see the progress you’ve made.”
Recognizing persistence helps build resilience. Instead of focusing on being “right” or “fast,” your child learns that trying and growing matter more than quick success.
3. “This was something new for you — how did it feel while doing it?”
New experiences often bring mixed emotions. Asking about their feelings promotes emotional intelligence, a core focus for any experienced counselor therapist working with children.
4. “You must have practiced a lot. Are you proud of your work?”
Instead of always telling children we’re proud, invite them to feel that pride themselves. This small shift encourages ownership and intrinsic motivation.
5. “You stayed focused for a long time — tell me more about what you did.”
Children value it when adults notice their effort. This open-ended question builds their communication skills and shows that their process matters just as much as the product.
6. “You’re so excited about finishing that! What did you learn from it?”
Celebrate learning, not just results. Helping children find value in growth—even if messy—sets the stage for a lifelong love of discovery and problem-solving.
Why These Phrases Matter
Research consistently shows that thoughtful, effort-based feedback leads to:
- Greater emotional resilience in failure
- Stronger self-esteem
- Higher motivation to learn
- Improved emotional awareness — especially crucial when managing childhood disorders
By replacing “Good job!” with deeper, reflective phrases, you’re encouraging your child to connect more meaningfully with their actions and emotions.
Words shape a child’s world — and their inner voice. As parents and caregivers, choosing empowering language helps children become emotionally aware, self-motivated, and confident in who they are.Try This Today:
After your child finishes an activity, try one of these reflective phrases. You may be surprised by the thoughtful response — and the confidence it builds.